My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
