im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
