I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
