Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
its liver damage thursday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
