I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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