I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
