I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
