I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
