there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
