Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
