Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
