My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
