you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
