Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
