hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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