last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just invented taco cereal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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