and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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