Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pants are for mortals
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
