Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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