Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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