$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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