well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
