Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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