pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
