If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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