I feel like abortions should bother me more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
