My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
