Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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