after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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