I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
