I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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