yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Never joke about your clitoris.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
