i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
