I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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