the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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