if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
