i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
