For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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