When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize