drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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