of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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