I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
