i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
