I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
