I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
