I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
