College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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