he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
