they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
