3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
