Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
