And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
