remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
