Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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